this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize