I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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