First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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