In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize