It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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