I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize