i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize