If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
wow bdsm is so cute
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize