My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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