No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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