She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize