Will you blow on my dice?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize