She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize