Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize