I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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