omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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