so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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