man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
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The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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