I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
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She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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