i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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