I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize