she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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