i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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