Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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