Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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