I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize