you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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