The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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