We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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