she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize