i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
do nipples grow back?
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