I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize