I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize