It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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