I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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