So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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