Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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