Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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