Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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