i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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