I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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