The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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