dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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