Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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