Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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