remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You work out of a Hotel?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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