I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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