I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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