my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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