he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
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That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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